gardenthoughts

by the time i arrived at the hospice my sister had been there four days .. unbeknownst to any of us at that time, it turned out she would be with us for another ten .. although the time did not pass in days .. or hours .. or moments .. it was more like a span of time .. time passing .. an experience without definition .. everyone involved was part of the continuim .. for those next ten days we were more in tune with the sun rising and the sun setting .. the sole purpose for our being there was to be with susan .. so, that’s what we did .. each of us there having our own experience with her .. as it is all still relatively fresh with me, i have the urge to write of my own experience and observations of what is, to me, a most incredible phase of a life .. a phase that contains elements of sorrow .. and also, a phase that contains elements of joy .. a phase of life that we all come to .. eventually .. each in our own way ..

my sister lived with cancer ‘in remission’ for over twenty years .. i can’t imagine what that was like, really .. more just words to me, than experience .. after the cancer returned, about four years ago, there were many valiant efforts to somehow jolt it back into remission .. this was not to be .. her time was nigh .. and she knew it .. and was ready for it .. she’d told me on several occasions over the last months that she was tired .. i guess so .. it seems to me, that even if the cancer is ‘in remission’ that it doesn’t go away in one’s mind .. there is always a little place where the possibility exists .. you are always living with it .. it’s a part of who you are ..

and so .. i was greeted by my eldest sister when i reached her room at the hospice .. she was light hearted .. almost childlike .. in her approach to her final days .. initially, she was lucid .. accepting company .. guests .. people coming to express their love .. their friendship .. their sense of pending loss .. and graciously, she received it all .. on the first friday morning after i arrived, myself and one of the nurses dressed her, put her in the wheelchair and jauntily plunked her sun hat on her hairless head .. and off we went .. my sister and i .. strolling through the neighbourhood surrounding the hospice .. lovely older homes .. well tended gardens .. rhododendrons puffing out magnificent displays of colour and height every which way we looked .. we veered off the straight and narrow to a side trail that led us across the back of a school yard .. we travelled around a cul de sac admiring gardens .. my sister chattered away about all she saw around her .. so focused .. so present .. so in the moment .. both of us .. eventually, we ended up at a local university campus where we found a cafeteria .. we sat in the sunshine with a wall of rhododendrons a few feet away .. we watched bees pollinate .. my sister declared that if she had twenty more years to live she would be a honey maker .. beekeeper .. the cancer was nestled in her brain and consequently words didn’t always come out the way she intended .. i understood what she meant .. she chatted on about her life .. the choices she’d made .. where they took her .. were they right .. were they wrong .. hmmm .. i assured her that all the choices she made had been the right ones for her .. that otherwise she may not have met her husband .. had him at her side throughout all these past years .. and now .. ‘yes, ‘ she decided after some thought .. ‘that sounds true’ .. shortly, we carried off on our way back to the hospice as more visitors were expected that afternoon .. ‘you’re a good companion,’ she told me .. i told her, ‘it was my pleasure’ ..

later on, while i was back at their home, her husband called to see if i had noted any change in my sister .. which i hadn’t .. i suggested she might be tired out from the walk .. however, when i returned early the next morning she had moved into the next phase of her journey .. over the next days she slept .. she awoke .. she had fewer moments of being lucid .. the sister i had moments with that one morning was, clearly, on her way .. her sleeping patterns changed .. her breathing changed .. her moments of lucidity lessened even more .. we were never sure when we left how she would be upon our return .. it didn’t matter, really .. however she was, was just fine .. it was simply her process of leaving her body behind .. and we didn’t interfere .. in any way .. in fact, we encouraged her on her way .. her husband .. my other sister .. her husband .. and myself .. we watched the process unfold .. let it be .. had waves of sorrow .. waves of understanding .. waves of deep feeling .. waves of joy .. it was all fine .. all part of the process for each of us .. in our own ways ..

that last walk with my sister was like a huge gift .. her sitting there beside me .. in a wheelchair .. her sunhat jauntily perched upon her head .. smiling .. she was ready to go .. she knew it .. i knew it .. and i wouldn’t have missed being there to send her off .. ‘safe trip’ i told her after she’d breathed the last breath her body had .. ‘thanks for being here’ ..

this year, we are growing onions .. lots of onions .. frank came home from a local nursery a few weeks ago with four different types .. walla walla seedlings ..  plus onions sets .. 100 onions in each bag .. yellow storage onions .. white sweet onions .. stutgart (sp?) onions .. plus i’d already started bunching green onions .. and i’d bought shallots .. we love onions .. you can never have enough, we say ..

we used the long raised bed with the rhurbarb planted at the one end .. frank covered the bed with manure .. let it sit, and then dug it under .. then, he covered the bed with our compost from the bin .. let it sit .. then dug it in .. with the bed prepared this way, we planted .. almost all of the sets .. the leftovers we had we passed on to a friend .. we planted in rows one inch deep, one inch apart .. ten inches between rows .. two rows of each variety .. the thinnings we’ll use for green onions as they grow .. pulling the ‘in between’ ones as we need them .. ideally, there will eventually be four inches between onions .. this gives the remaining onions plenty of room to grow .. the walla wallas seedlings we planted three to four inches apart right from the get go .. there are quite a few rows of them ..

the shallots have one row of their own .. they are planted four inches apart across the row .. in one corner of the bed i planted a group of the green onions i’d started from seed .. it’s a beautiful sight .. all those different kinds of onions filling up the bed .. they started coming up within a week .. tiny green spears rising up out  of the ground .. now, almost three weeks later, the onions are doing a wonderfull job of growing ..

as you can see above, the shallots, in the middle photo, grow differently than onions .. even though they are, essentially, both of the onion family .. at least, i think they are .. (i’ll check if shallots are also an allium, and report back) .. with ‘regular’ types of onions there is one strong stalk that appears .. and grows .. with shallots the spears come in a bunch .. the shallots beneath cling together .. like a garlic bulb which divides into cloves .. green onions also grow in bunches .. at least in this garden this year .. i purposely put them in clumps .. then, as i want one .. or two or more .. i’ll pick them from the clump .. they are, though, each individuals within the clump ..

these hundreds of onions are all planted in the long raised bed that also houses the rhubarb at one end .. the rhubarb grows so fast .. their leaves are so big they hang over the walla wallas .. shading the first row .. so we took the offending stalks off the rhubarb plants .. took them into the house .. and stewed them up .. lovely .. i believe the walla wallas appreciated the gesture .. i know we did .. especially in a dish of yoghurt .. however, even with this gesture the walla wallas are not the strongest onions in the bed .. in fact, frank planted red onions in all the spaces where the walla wallas didn’t take .. this is the second year we’ve tried the walla walla seedlings .. i’m inclined to try again in the fall with seed i plant .. we’ll see if that makes any difference .. for now, we’ll get a few .. they are a deliciously sweet onion ..

in the meantime, though, we have the potential for many, many onions .. soups .. sauces .. salads .. side dishes .. it’s all just a matter of time .. and i can wait .. dreaming dreams of onions ..after all, it wasn’t so long ago that the onion bed was only a thought .. now look at it .. magic .. yet again ..

over the past week i’ve spent time with my eldest sister in hospice .. as she progresses toward the last days of her life on the planet, it is an honour to be with her .. and such an open hearted time for us all .. my sister, our family, friends, nursing staff .. a celebration of a life ..

yesterday afternoon, i planted up the containers on the patio of her home .. cleaned up last year’s pots .. made ‘fresh’ soil with the dirt, manure, and a bit of bonemeal .. refilled the pots .. and stuffed them full with brilliantly coloured petunias, ‘million bells’ and white lobelia .. for me, it was a gesture of love .. for my sister ..

today my other sister joined me in the garden and we finished planting up the pots and cleaning the front garden bed .. we planted begonias and impatiens .. it’s been a few years since we spent any time together as we live hundreds of miles apart .. we dug .. mixed more dirt .. moved plants around .. planted new  plants .. we swept and watered .. we wept .. we laughed .. we talked .. we worked together quietly .. we did it for our sister even though she will never see the garden .. we did it for ourselves ..

whether her husband looks after the garden is irrelevant .. the magic and love is contained in the act of our time together .. thinking of sue ..

last sunday i decided to plant a square foot garden .. i’ve read a bit about growing such a garden .. and i’ve seen square foot gardening in action .. however, i’m a person who needs to do in order to really see how something works .. and i believe that different ways of gardening work differently for different gardeners .. so .. i went out and chose one of the four by four beds that are in the back veggie garden .. brought a tape measure and some foot long stakes .. oh, and a leftover ball of quite a pretty mauve wool to mark out my square feet ..

it was great fun .. a bit of mathematics .. some ‘construction’ materials .. stakes and mauve wool .. tying all the strings good and tight to define the square feet .. when i stand back and check it out, i find it to be quite a lovely site .. like a mini garden .. sixteen squares to fill with a variety of vegetables .. i ran into the house a couple of times to check out ‘square foot gardening’ on the web .. i know there is specific spacing required depending on the type of vegetables i want to plant .. then i sat on the edge of the onion bed .. considering this new space set out in front of me .. thinking about what to plant in which square foot .. but, wait a minute .. what about companion planting .. back i ran to the house to search the web again .. of course, there are hundreds of thousands to millions of sites .. so many people extolling the virtues of this trend in gardening .. which, actually has been going on for quite a few years .. it’s interesting to me to see what becomes popular as years move along .. oh,  here i am, digressing again .. i went back to the garden with all my new found information .. and sat on the edge of the onion bed .. contemplating vegetables .. one thing just leads to another ..

sometimes you don’t want to contemplate too many things .. it’s easy to get bogged down in the details .. knowing my own ability to bog, i got myself up and began planting seeds .. broad beans in two of the four squares closest to the onion bed .. when it warms up a bit more, i’ll put lima beans and purple beans in the remaining two square feet .. my information suggested that i plant 9 bean seeds in a square foot .. (i can’t imagine how this is all going to evolve .. i have visions of he square foot garden bed overflowing its bounds and taking over the rest of the garden) .. however, my curiosity drives me onward .. in front of the beans, i plant four squares of chard and kale .. alternating .. so creative ..  in front of that row, for a bit of variety, i decide to plant four different squares .. from the left .. carrots .. then beets .. then, i had plants that i’d grown from seed .. two of the drunken woman lettuce, and two bunches of green onions went in next .. four plants per square foot was suggested .. the last in that row i plant with more beets .. okay .. twelve done .. four more to go .. so, in go two more lettuce and two more green onions .. next to them, a square foot of spinach .. next, a square foot of carrots .. and the last of the sixteen i plant up with a different kind of lettuce that i’ll use as a cutting lettuce .. then, just because i could, i planted a few radishes between the rows of lettuce .. and a few more between the carrot rows ..

now i’m excited .. the cutting lettuce has come up .. as have the rows of radishes .. and, you can rest assured that i am out there .. at least once a day .. probably more .. peering into each of the sixteen little square feet to see what’s coming up .. it really is the little things ..